shinghand

"Now I am alone." - Hamlet, Act 2 Scene 2

I'm killing off my blog today, 27 November 2011, after it's 4 years of life. As blogs go, I think this one survived for a pretty long time.

When I first started this, I wrote for a different purpose - I wrote because it was my only link to some friends that I never want to give up on. Eventually it became an outlet for writing... and now, I find myself not writing for people anymore. When I'm writing, I no longer feel the sense of "here are people that I would like to help them better understand me". When I write now, it seems to become an outlet for self-expression; and to some extent, self discovery. Like the artist, when I blog I write things about myself that I never knew existed in me; I probe feelings and thoughts I never realized existed in me, and then it becomes something I learn about myself.

With blogging, I find one usually blogs because it helps others discover more about the blogger. The blogger blogs so as to let friends or acquaintances get to know what the blogger is like, as if it is an instrument to tell his friends "This is me". This view, which I first heard from Joy (see how even now, I write as if she doesn't look at this?) and later others, I realize apply a lot to me. To the point that now, reflecting about this livejournal, it seems to me in fact an object rather than a entity - it feels to me more an instrument for me to report my life to others. Since my intentions now don't fit the purpose of a blog (as I so perceive it), it's time for this blog to die. What I want to do now, is in fact write and introspect only for myself... this rollercoaster I call myself which I have no idea about... this tragedy of self.

This livejournal (dead as it may be, oh the irony) has, over these four years, really changed me in a special, heartfelt way. I think without this, I would never have chosen to go to RJ, and I would never have really picked up baking or poetry. Life without either of the three is almost unimaginable for me now. I can't imagine myself in ACS (I) as a purely sciency person. It's just strange. And this blog has been with me through my own metamorphoses, from one to another to another; sweetening and ripening and mellowing.

Wistfulness aside, I thank those all those who've been reading this blog, at any point in this blog's history. Most of the time, you've been the motive force powering my writing. I don't think this would have lasted so long without you... honestly. (: You should know that I keep this blog quite secretive and most likely if you know this blog, I (at some point) chose you to see this. I treasure your friendships muchly.

It's just that I find it tiresome to have to explain myself to anyone anymore.

EXEUNT.

Just thought I would share something about this. Recent events have reminded me about my opinion about a matter that I've thought about for awhile. How are we to treat leaders, in the bible?

Very clearly, it is said "Submit yourself to the authorities". Let's quote Romans 13: 1 - 3 for this.

"Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong."

In we see two obviously and blatantly expressed things, firstly, submit yourself to the governing authorities, because God has put him there. Paul here uses words which are significant like "everyone" and "no authority". There is no exceptions! All authority is set and established by God, including Ahab, and everyone must submit himself to their authority. After all, nothing happens without God's omniscient knowledge. And since he is omnipotent, surely he allowed whatever happened, to happen. This includes your parents, so don't rebel against them, there's a commandment "honor your father and mother" as well. This includes an irritating teacher. Even if she/he is obnoxious, is unreasonable, makes everyone upset, you are still to submit yourself to him/her. It is not a "if you respect me, I will respect you" issue. That is the point of loving others as yourself.

The second thing we see is that the basis for this submission is because "rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong", i.e. submit to your authorities, because they will make you do things that are right. So if any authority tells you to do something against the will of God, who determines what is right or wrong (for Christians, anyway), for this reason you are not to obey the authority. Further support for this comes from Acts 4 : 19 - 20.

However, this does not mean you are not to honor your authorities, but you are not to obey them. Recall what happened to Nebuchadnezzar and Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego did. When Nebuchadnezzar told them to bow down to worship him, something which is obviously wrong, they replied: (Daniel 3:16 -18)

Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to the king, "O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this manner. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."

Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego continued to respect Nebuchadnezzar. They did not reply "Nebuchadnezzar, God will strike you down because you are sinning against him! You deserve to die!", but they replied by firmly stating their faith, that God would save them. In addition, they continue to attribute to him the fact that he is the king, and thus call him by this post. As a result, they were saved because of their faith. (Note: the only point where you can do things like curse your authority is when God tells you to. Just as Elijah told Ahab that dogs will lick his blood because of the prophecy given by God. Therefore it happened.)

Even more powerful a testimony is from David. (1 Samuel 24) Bolded for emphasis.

 After Saul returned from pursuing the Philistines, he was told, "David is in the Desert of En Gedi."  So Saul took three thousand chosen men from all Israel and set out to look for David and his men near the Crags of the Wild Goats.

 He came to the sheep pens along the way; a cave was there, and Saul went in to relieve himself. David and his men were far back in the cave. The men said, "This is the day the LORD spoke of when he said to you, 'I will give your enemy into your hands for you to deal with as you wish.' " Then David crept up unnoticed and cut off a corner of Saul's robe.

  Afterward, David was conscience-stricken for having cut off a corner of his robe. He said to his men, "The LORD forbid that I should do such a thing to my master, the LORD's anointed, or lift my hand against him; for he is the anointed of the LORD."  With these words David rebuked his men and did not allow them to attack Saul. And Saul left the cave and went his way.

 Then David went out of the cave and called out to Saul, "My lord the king!" When Saul looked behind him, David bowed down and prostrated himself with his face to the ground. He said to Saul, "Why do you listen when men say, 'David is bent on harming you'?  This day you have seen with your own eyes how the LORD delivered you into my hands in the cave. Some urged me to kill you, but I spared you; I said, 'I will not lift my hand against my master, because he is the LORD's anointed.'  See, my father, look at this piece of your robe in my hand! I cut off the corner of your robe but did not kill you. Now understand and recognize that I am not guilty of wrongdoing or rebellion. I have not wronged you, but you are hunting me down to take my life. May the LORD judge between you and me. And may the LORD avenge the wrongs you have done to me, but my hand will not touch you. As the old saying goes, 'From evildoers come evil deeds,' so my hand will not touch you.

 "Against whom has the king of Israel come out? Whom are you pursuing? A dead dog? A flea?  May the LORD be our judge and decide between us. May he consider my cause and uphold it; may he vindicate me by delivering me from your hand."

 When David finished saying this, Saul asked, "Is that your voice, David my son?" And he wept aloud.  "You are more righteous than I," he said. "You have treated me well, but I have treated you badly. You have just now told me of the good you did to me; the LORD delivered me into your hands, but you did not kill me.  When a man finds his enemy, does he let him get away unharmed? May the LORD reward you well for the way you treated me today.  I know that you will surely be king and that the kingdom of Israel will be established in your hands.  Now swear to me by the LORD that you will not cut off my descendants or wipe out my name from my father's family."

So David gave his oath to Saul. Then Saul returned home, but David and his men went up to the stronghold.

From this, we see David had completely humbled himself in the sight of the authority, in this case, Saul. He even went so far as to fall prostrate before the person who was going to kill him; that's some amazing respect. More amazing is that David had another chance to do it, when Saul was chasing after him, and he spared him again. And later, when Saul died, David grieved and mourned for him. And you might say, "well he's the king, and there is only a rule about kings, not for all authority". Take a look. What does it mean to be annointed by God? It means to be appointed and called by God. Link this back to Romans 13, that there is "no authority excecpt that which God has established". So we are to attribute such respect to our authorities.

What does this foster? It fosters peace. Even Saul, who was consumed by an evil spirit (1 Samuel 18:10) was overcome and conscience-striken, weeping aloud. He left David alone but returned to his own house. Thus, you will know if you are acting in accordance for God if peace is brought by your actions and your words, because the Bible says: (Proverbs 16:7)

When a man's ways are pleasing to the LORD, he makes even his enemies live at peace with him.
(This of course, does not necessarily mean that if there is persecution because of you, you are not acting rightly in God's eyes.)

-----

So what do we do when we encounter corrupt authority? Leave it up to God. That's exactly what David did, he left it up to God. He wouldn't touch Saul himself, but would let God handle it for him, letting him be the ultimate judge. Do not take your own revenge on this authority, or curse/insult him from your own words, but in such moments remember God and what he would want you to do: honor the authorities.

The second, important thing is that we are to act in love, not in hatred. Act in a way to build up one another, to help the leader repent of his wrongdoing, to foster peace. You will be able to tell by examining your heart, if you just want to destroy said leader, instead of helping him (as should be your motivation), then you have not acted rightly. Remember that we are to love our enemies. (Luke 6 : 27 - 31)

Lastly, pray for the leader. This is more or less the practical application of the previous two points. As can be seen in 1 Timothy 2:1-4,

"I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone - for kings and all those in authority, that we may lead peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth".

With a bit of context, Paul's command to pray for leaders here was done during the rule of Nero, a notoriously cruel leader who killed both his mother and his brother. Furthermore, he was persecuting the Christians, and eventually Paul would die at the hands of such persecution. Christians were denied priviledged in society, some were even publicly butchered, burned, and fed to animals. But we are still to pray for corrupt authority, for God "wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth".

Pray, thus, for wisdom from God to judge what is right by his wisdom, that we may not sin in our judgements, but that our judgements may come from God himself. (John 5:30)
That we may honour all authority, and therefore honour God,
For love, and the faith required for such radical love (i.e. for more of God, and less of ourselves)
For God's healing to come on all who are corrupt, standing in the gap and praying that they may turn back.
For God's healing and mercy  to come on those who are affected by the corrupt.
For Christians, that they may persevere and not fall away, but remain firm in the faith; and that non believers may glimpse God inside of the suffering.
For God's will to be done in the heavens and in the earth, that his Kingdom come.
 

TEN ARE YOUS

1. Are you single -  Yup.
2. Are you happy -  In general, I am pretty content now.
3. Are you bored -  No. I think bored is overused anyway haha.
4. Are you fair -  Is S. R. Nathan fair?
5. Are you Italian - Nope.
6. Are you intelligent - Intelligence is relative to others.
7. Are you honest - I'm trying to be, but I used to be a horrible liar : P
8. Are you nice - I hope so?
9. Are you Irish - I'm Singaporean
10. Are you Asian - Yes. They should just ask "What nationality are you?"

TEN FACTS

1. Full Name - Teo Wei Yang
2. Nickname - Whats my blog add?
3. Birth place - East Shore Hospital. It's at East Shore.
4. Hair color - Its black haha, but there's two small parts of natural, highlighted brown at the sides of my head. It looks cool and people often ask me if I dye my hair.
5. Natural hair style - I don't know how to describe my hair.
6. Eye colour - Hazel I think.
7. Birthday - 21 April
8. Mood - A general content and happy mood.
9. Favorite color - Purple, haha and this is the third time I'm saying it this week.
10. One place you'd like to visit - Um, Idk.


TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE

1. Have you ever been in love - No, lol. I don't believe in romantic love at 15, but people have called me a romantic. Well this talks about love life, and not true love and all that, so perhaps there's not so much a firm no there, but more of a "I don't know".
2. Do you believe in love at first sight - Yes, actually.
3. Do you currently have a crush? - Nope. Or maybe I don't know about it.
4. Have you ever been hurt emotionally -  Not romantically.
5. Have you ever broken some one's heart - I don't think I broke said person's heart...
6. Have you ever had your heart broken - No, judging by my personal standards of heart-breaking.
7. Have you ever liked someone but never told them - I don't believe in romantic love at 15. But other than that, yes.
8. Are you afraid of commitment - Just slightly.
9. Who was the last person you hugged - Perhaps my father.
10. Who was the last person you said I love you to? - I seriously don't remember, and I've never said it concerning my love life.

TEN THIS OR THAT

1. Love or lust - The former.
2. Hard liquor or beer - I dont like alcohol but I'd go with hard liquor.
3. Cats or dogs - Dogs imo.
4. A few best friends or any regular friends - A few best friends.
5. Creamy or Crunchy - Creamy I think.
6. Pencil or Pen - I like writing with a specific kind of pen the most, but without that specific kind of pen I would go for a pencil.
7. Wild night out or romantic night in - They're both too vague for me to make a decision! But wild night out sounds weird.
8. Money or Happiness - Happiness (Joy).
9. Night or day - Daytime for now.
10. IM or phone - Depends on who I am talking to. There are some people I really enjoy talking on the phone with, but in general it would be IM.


TEN HAVE YOU EVER

1. Been caught sneaking out - I dont think I've snuck out anywhere.
2. Seen a polar bear - I don't think I've seen a polar bear.
3. Done something you regret - Too many.
4. Bungee jumped - Haha no what the hell.
5. Eaten food that fell on the floor - Yes, but rarely.
6. Finished an entire jaw breaker - The ones in Singapore are so small. Of course I have.
7. Been caught naked - Not that I can remember.
8. Wanted an ex bf/gf back - I don't have an ex, methinks.
9. Cried because you lost a pet - No.
10. Wanted to disappear - I think so.


TEN PREFERENCES IN A PARTNER

1. Smile or eyes - Eyes. I really like eyes for some reason.
2. Light or dark hair - Dark. But if you gave me a preference it would probably be for the length rather than the colour of the hair.
3. Hugs or kisses - In a partner? Kisses I think, but I've never had a partner before.
4. Shorter or taller - Shorter; taller than me is quite o.o
5. Intelligence or attraction - If intelligence referred to the strength of a person's intuition or wisdom then yes, intelligence. If it refers to how smart the person is then no, attraction.
6. Topman or Zara - I.. don't know?
7. Funny or serious - Enthusiastic, but serious.
8. Older or Younger - A person's age doesn't determine her character.
9. Outgoing or quiet - Outgoing please!
10. Sweet or Bad - Sweet, but not bimbotic.


TEN HAVE YOUS

1. Ever performed in front of a large crowd - Lots of times.
2. Ever talked on the phone for longer than an hour - Yes.
3. Ever tried walking on your hands - Nope.
4. Ever been to a rock concert - No.
5. Ever been on a cheer leading team - No.
6. Ever been on a dance team - Haha let's count the one we did in Bali and say yes!
7. Ever been on a sports team - Yes.
8. Ever been in a drama play/production - Yup.
9. Ever owned a BMW, Mercedes Benz, Escalade, Hummer or Bentley - No.
10. Ever been in a rap video - Er... just because I have dark skin..


TEN LASTS

1. Last phone call you made - Excluding phone calls which are not from friends/family, probably Ng.
2. Last person you hugged - I can't remember.
3. Last person you hung out with - Erm, probably with Bynes and a couple of assorted people in DI. (I assume "hung out" to mean "to intentionally laze around somewhere with no real purpose"
4. Last time you worked - Homeworked would be for my LDP a couple of hours back.
5. Last person you talked to - My brother.
6. Last person you IM'd - Its ZW. I have a stellar idea.
7. Last person you texted - Aaron Lei!
8. Last person(s) you went to the movies with - Oh damn, that must have been a really ridiculously long time ago, seriously. I'm not even sure if I went to the movies this year. If that's true, it would be with John Tan! (and a couple of his assorted friends.)
9. Last person/thing you missed - A dear, dear friend of mine. When he was young, he had dreamboat eyes. But it's not the thing I miss the most dearly now : \
10. Last website visited - Um, it's someone's blog. But I can't remember whose.

I just thought that'd I'd do some quizzes for the public side. It's interesting and will let you find out more about me.

I am using a different LJ skin now, simply because I prefer that layout, and I like that picture However the spacing for different posts screws up sometimes and I don't know why that happens. Anyway, because there are so many private and friendlocked posts, it's already looking very very cluttered to me. Oh well, theres not much I can do about it.

I never have any inspiration to blog about anything that happened in school. If it happened, it happened, and I usually feel very little after it happens. Unless its a huge major event which I find nice to talk about. Thus I won't really be posting much about anything in school or eitherwise.

Bored. Needs something to do. Since I'm on a selfban of "no computer games that are somewhat addictive, including all the games I play now", theres not much I can do. Mostly what I do at home is to study and just chat a bit once in a while. Thus I need something to do, really. I think I'll go write more short stories. Pretty much fell in love with them after writing the Lang Arts Coursework, Portfolio thing. If theres any request, send me a note, I'll write it for you if I have nothing better do. Please, you'll be doing me a favour.

I like Lazy Afternoons (the song), it just provides and atmosphere of peace around.

Wow, so many things have happened this weekend. Again, all of them have made me express a phlethora of emotions. It was overall quite fun, even though the Water Polo Invitational has left me bored, and most of the time I was just watching objectively, not being able to dream, or to have any "gan jue" about the thing.

(Also, what is it about people nowadays? Y'know, at first I thought that I was one of a few people who would actively use Chinese to speak at all, spontaneously . But recently a lot of people I know have been doing it.. for example, benja has been doing it, the entire PoC bunch of PoC people have been doing it. Charles, I never knew your chinese so song bo one!)

The Water Polo Invitational just left me.. very bleh. I left my house at 8.50, after a call by Niam telling me to be at the MRT at 9.00. There, we were supposed to meet Bin to go to the Sports School. Anyway, when I reached the MRT I realised that.. we were going to be late. Because Niam woke up late, and actually we needed to reach Newton by 9.30. That's not physically probable, trying to reach Newton from Kembangan in 30 minutes. Obviously we were late.

So we decided to try to run so we don't make Bin late, also to get ourselves better seats. Being the occasional klutz, I tripped on the escalator at Newton MRT.. and the sharp edge of the escalator pierced my toe. It went about 1 cm in, and 3 cm across. Which is pretty deep. Luckily, it didn't pierce any arteries or arterioles (bright red blood vs. dark blood).  Dark blood just freaks me out, and it was leaking like a fountain.

I realised that Bin's father is actually quite smart, tactful, and knowledgable. And it's probably because of Bin's Father's "this kind of nature", of being harsh on certain areas, and being very unharsh on certain areas, this big gray area of uncertainty. (I found him a bit uncertain and hard to read.. compared to everyone else I meet. Yes, you guys are categorized quickly after I meet you.) But although he seems very enigmatic, he's very knowledgable, and he has a very strong passion for the world. He talked to me about Yugoslavia and their respective countries, yet I could sense within his tone and his words a sort of symphathy for the people there. I find this very interesting. Anyhow, it's not like I'll be meeting him again any time soon.

We arrived there just on time when they were accepting tickets, phew. We gave our tickets and went to find seats. The Water Polo players were of course, very good, but they didn't strike any of my attention, to be honest, the only reason I play Water Polo is just because I do it partially out of habit and partially because its a bit fun and a timekiller. Yeah, I'd rather be doing PoC, rather than go training. Because PoC is fun. It was somewhat awe inspiring to see them shoot and their style of play, for example, a ball, approximately 4 inches in diameter, would hit the goalpost, and fly 8 metres into the air. That is very scary, it's about the height of a 2 story house. I left after the 2nd game.

I won't elaborate about Band and PoC here. Please get LJ accounts if you want to read further, because I'll reveal too many emotions/personal thoughts. If you're someone I semi-trust, who does not want a LJ, don't shy, just msn me and I'll tell you. 

EDIT: Crap, don't you just hate it when you accidentally press a button and ALL the 100 pages you've written just disappears like that! I had so much written down, and all gone. So very irritating. Thus you can't see any stupid post. Pissed off.